Enbies who speak German: what are your favorite pronouns? What are yours? What are the common ones?

Boosts welcome

@charlag I use male pronouns in German because that's what I'm used to and I don't really care lol. Most openly non-binary people I know use their names instead of pronouns. Personally I also like using different wordings such as "der Mensch" / "die Person" especially when I don't know someone's gender or pronouns

@schratze @charlag
Same, but I also like "es". A lot of people feel that it sounds dehumanising though, so it's not very popular.

@anarchiv @schratze @charlag i like "es" as well. it's there, it works, no need for most people to think about declension. i also go by "er/ihm" though and it's what people almost always automatically default to for me.

@crowlad @anarchiv @schratze @charlag I don't speak German but I liked "es" too when I lived there for the same reasons. No need to explain which adjectives go with it or anything. Same reason I like það.

@owl @crowlad @schratze @charlag
What Kråkan pointed out is actually quite a relevant argument for me: Declension. I wouldn't expect people to memorise my pronoun in each of four cases if it's not a preexisting one.


I don't have favorites.
I also don't use pronouns myself because there are just none that feel right to me in German.
Popular ones are "xier" and "sier" (
And here's a whole collection:

I put "em" on my ID card just to put something on there, because people assuming is worse than me picking one. In the end I don't really mind when people slip and use whatever pronoun but most of them default to the one assigned to me from birth and I don't like that. Sometimes children use different pronouns for me than most people and I like that, but they are also not the ones I would pick.

I just wish the German language wasn't so brutally gendered and we had a common neutral pronoun choice.

@jules I can refer to "brutally gendered" part a lot, every time you say first-person verb in past in Russian you gender your self. "Did you eat as femme or as masc yesterday" is kind of horrible

@charlag Yeah it really is... it's even worse in many slavic languages than in German. Parts of my family are from Poland and I also know a bit of Russian and Czech, I can relate.

I really don't know why they did that to languages...

@charlag @jules but also you can avoid using that kind of verbs for yourself (there is always a way to paraphrase), and after some time it starts to feel pretty natural and automatic?

For example, instead of "I ate (masculine) borschtsch yesterday" or "I ate (feminine) borschtsch yesterday" or "I ate (inanimated neutral; not very popular, most of inanimated stuff is still gendered masculine or feminine) borschtsch yesterday" or "we ate (plural) borschtsch yesterday" you could say "there was a borschtsch for lunch yesterday".

I think I went for like four years without gendering myself online, and a couple of years not gendering myself even at the workplace.

@charlag I don't have one that feels right yet.

"Sie" is mostly okay for me, and that's what people default to because I'm so femme. I would like something unspecific, but "es" feels wrong for me personally.

I like the English singular they because it can be used in a fairly generic way.

@charlag I don't have favourites, and I've encountered a lot of attempts to figure out the "best" ones that should replace all the others, which makes me very uncomfortable on both a personal and a "that's not how life should be" level.

Mine: I usually say "es oder egal-welche Neopronomen" in chill situations and "er oder es" or "er ist ok, oder einfach nur mein Name" in less chill ones when people ask. If they don't ask, I might correct them to er or es. People use a bunch of different pronouns for me, but mostly er, es and sie, and how ok any of those (including the ones I actively say I want) feel depends a lot on context.

The common ones seem to vary by scene (which could be online contexts or different gatherings in different places, and ofc there's always "generations" in queer spaces, like, xier is an old pronoun used more by people who've witnessed its creation more closely, dey is a new one with people very actively figuring stuff out rn). In some that I've encountered, sier is common, in others hen or per, in some xier or dey or even es. I certainly associate different social vibes with all of them. But currently "keine Pronomen" seems most common to me.

@charlag i use my name as a pronoun (it's phii so it has pronoun length) and apart from that i use the female form of words (since german is a highly gendered language) since i'm very fem-aligned non-binary

@phseiff @charlag am not gonna say my name on here for opsec reasons but it’s pretty short too so it works well

@dhfir @enby_of_the_apocalypse @charlag @phseiff

I try to use sey/sem because it's just they/them with a very strong german accent and I find that hilarious.

However I still need some time to get used to it.

@charlag I usually just go with "sie" which is like only part of the truth, but also doesn't hurt. It becomes more difficult with gendered words, so I sometimes like using something like Helfer*in even when talking just about myself.
Generally I often try to avoid strongly gendered language which, in German, luckily often somewhat works.
Regarding neopronouns, the only German neopronoun I somewhat liked is dey, so that would be my personal choice. I don't like "es" for past bullying reasons.

@charlag neither German or enbie myself, but an Austrian enbie asked for mixing up he/she and preferably using both in one sentence if that makes sense.

@charlag My pronouns in German are xier/ xiem or none. I actually wrote a blog post about it because, well, a lot of people are very new to these and ask me to explain how to use them.

@charlag I use "es" and I really like it. :D for the same reason that some mentioned already: it's already there! (plus some more feelz)
around me "no pronouns" is the most common and I do that in professional settings as well.
but I actually really like having pronouns for myself (and others) and I think if I'd ever switch away from "es" I would choose another definite set of pronouns. currently "xier" is my second favorite.


"en/en/ens". I started with no #pronouns, but my near persons told me to select one.

So I gave them dices with my favorite 6 #neopronouns and they chose "en", which is fine for me.

En can also stand for #nonbinary and even works as Title.

#German has currently no nonbinary version like Mx for Mr/Mrs. So, in addition to Herr/Frau, we could use En for persons with nonbinary or unknown #gender.


There're no common #nonbinary #pronouns in #German, yet, AFAIK, but there seems to be a trend towards dey/dem or dey/denen.

This is kind of funny, because it mimics they/them which originally came from nordic / saxon to England.

favorite nonbinary pronouns: xier, dey

my pronouns: sie (as I’m close enough to female that this does fit best most of the time; and when it doesn't, I’m only bothered by binary people using other pronouns since they fill them with assumptions, and it's too much struggle to make them use something else)

common around here: none, dey

@charlag I go by sie/ihr but I go by both she/her and they/them pronouns. Alternatively, using my name in German is also a way to not use pronouns.

I try to just go with none (hence why choosing a very short name).
But I kinda try to establish die/ihnen (direct translation of they/them). For some words that really don’t work out neutral, I still prefer a feminine or ‚:in’ form.

And if someone calls me ‚es‘ I will instantly punch them without any warning.

@charlag I use vii cause I like the look of it and it sounds simular to sie but not quite which is how I feel, simular to being female but not quite :blobcattrans:

If you ask me, there are no common ones. Aware people try to avoid pronouns mostly by using mensch/wesen/person but thats about it.

@charlag I don't speak to people in German often these days. Might consider using "dey". Not sure yet ~

@charlag i use sie, it's a mix of "it feels ok enough and i haven't found another one i'm as comfortable with" paired with going the easy route of not sticking out and not having to explain pronouns. however, i'm very allergic to gendered terms such as "Frau" and avoiding that one is also hard for most cis people, so i have to explain anyway...

@charlag I know a few who use plural "die" like in "Die haben ihren Rucksack bei uns vergessen"

Favorite: I like dey and am curious about the Sylvain-Konvention, have to read and experiment more with that

Mine: none or sier, although I don't object when ppl misgender me in meatspace because I'm a coward and used to suffering 😔

Most common: in literature/comics translation it's xier, because it's well documented.

@charlag I know several people who don’t use pronouns (just a name) and a few who use “sier” and also met people who use “es/ihr”, “xier”, “‘em” or mixing pronouns.

I also don’t use pronouns but am okay with any pronouns but “sie” or “it” . From usage I like “em”/“en” most because it’s quite convenient to use for me (just like a name/“M”./“N.”).

@charlag I ask people to use dey if they ask, but I don’t really care. First, speaking about people in third person when they’re there is rude anyway. Second, I don’t feel strongly about it for some reason.

If I’m in a public place with name tags I do correct people though to reinforce the habit of looking at those.

@charlag I made a set suiting my needs for a pronoun encompassing the ever-changing status of my gender (rhei/rhem as in "panta rhei"). I'm fine with "she/her" in most settings though and I like it/its and its derivatives in German a lot.
The most common one (xier) makes me dysphoric, do I'm not using that at all.

@charlag I'm still very used to and okay with my assigned "sie/ihr" but I feel most euphoria with "es", I've always liked it a lot.
I understand and deeply respect the dehumanization feeling some ppl feel with it, but for me it just feels "de-gendered" and as I identify as agender, it just seems perfect.

Sign in to participate in the conversation
birb site

This is a tiny, friendly fedi server!